just back from europe

i have just returned from europe and what an amazing time it was for me. i met so many people from so many different countries and especially one man who has changed me forever. i think about him all the time and miss him desperately. it has been so long since i let anyone close to me that i feel my world has shaken with him getting so close. i spoke with him today and i dont even care about the international long distance charges it was worth it to hear his voice again. i know that the odds are against us and rationally i know that our experience was one of a kind. but i have to know if it can happen again so i will go to see him in 11 weeks on my next break from school.

i just feel that everything in life pointed to this one moment in the chateau club in prague where we met in such a strange way and then it was magical - i was sick the next couple of days and he brought me chicken soup and then he left for budapest and it was perfect becuase i was going to budapest too in a few days. we got to spend the entire time together - sorry to my friend i was with because i left her alone but she was down with being alone. budapest was ours and we saw so much and did so much and the morning i had to leave it was so hard. i cried the whole way to the airport and even on the plane whenever i started to think of our time together i would start to cry again because i did not want to leave him. i almost got back on the train in germany when we landed to change planes but we did not have time to think about anything because we were late and almost missed our flight. i had to come home though, the cats are here my life is here - if i was not in school i could just pick up and leave though, i have no attachments to here - i dream about going to prague and st. petersburg and having this amazing relationship with him.

my heart jumps when i recieve sms notification because i am hoping that it will be from him. i dont know how i am going to get through these next months - i am sure that school will keep me busy but i am so anxious to feel him again. what a great love story - the american girl and the russian boy they meet in prague and spend a whole week in budapest where they fall in love and then they must go back to their homes but they keep in touch until they can be together again. this is a movie that we are making - every moment felt like it was a movie - how can it be so good in real life? i am not sure except that i think that it was fate and we are on the same wavelength so we know each other without even words. i dont have words to describe what it is like all i know is that is something so amazing that i cannot give it up.

who cares what people say or think - how can they go through life without ever feeling this? i am not usually so caught up in things like this. i am usually so pragmatic and reserved because it protects me and keeps me safe but he has torn these protections from me and i love it. a part of me thinks that it will never be the same as it was in budapest but perhaps it can be different and better. those moments - i remember every one and i cherish every one. they were the best moments of my life. i will cherish them forever even if nothing ever happens again. you cant live your life without taking chances otherwise you will never know these exquisite feelings of joy from moments liven on the edge.